Welcome back to TGIF, where we review the news. What we do here is serious. This is objective. Separately, if you don’t laugh at every single one of my jokes, Bar’s hot new bodyguards will break your arms. If you didn’t already see, the New York Post has a story this week on the situation of the “beefy” and “chiseled” guards whose job is to surround my wife at all hours. I haven’t seen her in weeks—I don’t have the clearance. So I learn about what she’s up to like the rest of you do, in the New York Post. And according to their photo evidence, Bari’s main beefy and chiseled guard is one Sean Fischer. I always thought of Sean as my TG worker bee, my elegant intellectual, my wife’s lithe chief of staff. I had no idea his real role here, but I’m looking at this paparazzi shot and realizing that the Post’s mistake comes from somewhere real: Men who glare at a camera like Sean have conquered continents. Sean, I’m sorry for ever calling you “my little blue-eyed cupcake” and “my delicate ginger.” Let’s have a reset, please, okay seriously stop tasing me and telling me the Inquisition is coming I said I’m sorry!

→ “Your mom did”: After President Donald J. Trump announced plans to meet with Vladimir Putin in Budapest, a reporter for HuffPost texted White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt about the politics of the meeting taking place in Budapest. HuffPost was so great when Arianna was in charge of it, and now—now it’s just sad. Anyway, our reporter asked, “Does he not see why Ukraine might object to that site? Who suggested Budapest?”

This windup is just to tell you that White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt wrote back: “Your mom did.” I need everyone who argues that women in positions of power would act so very differently from men to sit down now. We’re living in a teen boy’s fantasy of presidential politics, and it is being ushered in by hot blondes named Karoline who respond to journalist’s requests with, essentially, “That’s not what your mom said last night.”

Regardless of whose mom was or was not involved, and how fat she was, Trump called off the Putin meeting this week. Likely, he suspected his arm-wrestle-diplomacy strategy might have met its match since there was a nonzero chance Putin would have arrived shirtless on a tiger. And Trump is now imposing sanctions on Russian oil companies.

→ My Little Totenkopf: Graham Platner, the Maine Democrat challenging Susan Collins for her Senate seat, found himself in some trouble this week because of an old tattoo. A tramp stamp? An ex’s name on his bicep? No, it was a large totenkopf on his chest, the Nazi skull symbol worn by guards at concentration camps. Platner claims that he picked the symbol at random from the tattoo parlor’s wall with his Marine buddies (I hate when that happens!) and had no idea that there were any Nazi implications. Which is funny because according to an old acquaintance of his, there was nothing random or secret about it at all and he would call it his totenkopf: “He said, ‘Oh, this is my totenkopf,’ ” the acquaintance told Jewish Insider. “He said it in a cutesy little way.” Platner, who described himself as “a communist” and an “antifa supersoldier” back in his old Reddit posting days, also apparently spent time in “a socialist paramilitary group.”

The best part is that the left has now painted itself into a corner with Nazi iconography, because they can no longer quite articulate why it’s bad, since killing Jews is neutral to admirable. Here’s a popular leftist commentator trying to explain why Platner’s Nazi symbol is bad:

“This isn’t just a Nazi tattoo, this is the symbol of the concentration camp guards, the guys who ran the death camps. The men who murdered socialists, communists, and liberals. They mass-murdered all black men in the French army. This is on par with a swastika.” (The commentator deleted it so I won’t name and shame. But isn’t it interesting?)

The news of Platner’s previously avowed communism and Nazi tattoo have only strengthened him. A poll that came out this week shows him 34 points ahead of his leading opponent in the Democratic primary. We’re getting to the point where it’s a red flag for Zoomers if you don’t have a Nazi tattoo.

My favorite thing about Platner, though, has nothing to do with any of this—it’s that he describes himself as a “working-class Mainer” but went to a $75,000-a-year boarding school. Yes, Platner went to Hotchkiss (gorgeous, fabulous). I’m also a boarding-school brat—but I’ve always identified as a debutante, a coastal elite, and a perfect 10. Mr. Platner, don’t run from your people...