As if it weren’t disgraceful enough that we’re about to lose an hour’s shut-eye to the changing of the clocks tonight, we learned this week that our internal lunar clocks are being shunted around against our will, too.

On top of our 24-hour circadian rhythms, we take certain cues from the moon’s 29.5-day cycle. Humans have been found to sleep less in the days leading up to a full moon, for example. Sadly, modern life, and the artificial light it beams at us via street lights and buildings, is confusing our lunar clocks. There’s even evidence that smartphone light has been messing with our menstrual cycles.

Labour’s electoral rhythm became completely untethered from the moon, the sky and the voter in Caerphilly on Thursday, when a Senedd byelection delivered the party just 3,713 votes in a seat it has always held. Plaid Cymru’s massive victory is a stark warning for Keir Starmer. And given that Reform also fell victim to protest voting, Caerphilly is a lesson for Nigel Farage, too.

Prince Andrew will no longer use the title Duke of York. Not because he’s admitting to any wrongdoing of course (heaven forbid) but because his private life has become a “distraction”. Prince William evidently agrees, since he’s reported to have played an active role in icing Andrew out of the royal family. It was smart of the future king to let it be known that he’s got plans to change the face of the monarchy, starting with his uncle. Now we’re intrigued as to what else he has in store once he inherits the crown.

It’s hard to think of a better week to release a film about art heists, given that a gang broke into the Louvre on Sunday in broad daylight, making off with a trove of priceless historical jewellery. What luck for Josh O'Connor and his latest vehicle, Mastermind, a film launching to a world hungry for tales of art theft. That said, the film offers a somewhat different perspective, showing O'Connor’s character struggling with a depressing existence after lifting three painting from a local gallery.

I’ve only belatedly realised that I myself have a crime to confess. Well, a repeated misdemeanour, at least. I can’t count how many times I’ve shaken the last few drops of a cappuccino out of a nearly empty reusable cup into a drain so that it doesn’t end up leaking all over my bag. Only when a woman in Richmond was fined £150 for the same actions did I come to see that this was not a harmless manoeuvre but an act of environmental sabotage. In fact, if we all threw away just a few drops of coffee into the sewer system each day, the caffeine, chemicals, sugar and milk would make the water virtually untreatable. The woman’s fine has been rescinded and I never got caught. Nevertheless it’s safe to say, neither of us will be chucking any dregs of coffee anywhere other than down our own gullets from now on, and neither should you.

Also this week, the dark side of bubble tea, the celebrity hierarchy of the Traitors and the truth about why British energy bills are so high.

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