| Adapted from an online discussion. Hi, Carolyn: I didn’t date for years and years. I was raising a child on my own, and I had a full life of friends and fun, and it wasn’t a big deal to me that I didn’t date. Once my child went to college, my girlfriends encouraged me to go on the apps — and by encourage, I mean they set up the profile and swiped, and I just showed up for dates. I went out with dozens of men, met one I liked, and we’ve been seeing each other for almost two years. It was a big experience to sleep next to someone and to feel love again. I’m really grateful to my friends for pushing me into dating because a lot of this has been great. But not all. I bring a lot of color and lightness into this man’s life, but I don’t feel like I’m getting much in return. He doesn’t say he loves me. He doesn’t say I’m beautiful. I’ve read the books he’s given me, but he does not read any of the books I give him. I’ve gone to concerts of bands he likes, but he won’t come with me to hear music I like. I’ve spent time with his kids and siblings and friends, and I’ve actively engaged them in conversation to get to know them. He’s spent time with my people and largely remained silent. We split the check, though his annual bonus is more than my salary. I’ve talked to him about how I feel, but he’s not interested in or capable of (not sure which) engaging in these conversations. I think this relationship has been a great experience, but it’s enough already. I didn’t feel lonely when I was single, but lately I feel lonely quite a bit. I’d like to move on to the next phase of my life. But my friends, who got me into this, are skeptical. He’s a good man, they say. He has a stable job. He has never been to jail, he doesn’t yell or hit, and even if he doesn’t tell me he loves me, he clearly loves me (they say). They know what’s out there in the middle-aged dating pool, and they know he’s the best of it. He’s boring and a bit self-involved, sure, but he’ll pick me up from my colonoscopy. He makes me coffee and toast in the morning. He’s not the worst. Dump this guy, they say, and it’s not likely I’ll find someone better. Is it better to be alone than to be with someone who doesn’t give me everything? I debated this a year ago, decided to stay, and now I’m here in the same place again. — Anonymous Answer this week’s reader question Here's your chance to channel your inner Carolyn Hax and respond to a reader question. | 
