| Adapted from an online discussion. Dear Carolyn: My sister, “Susan,” and I never got along growing up because her cruelty exceeded typical sibling bullying behaviors. Today, she thinks we’re very close, whereas I love her from a distance because her bad behaviors lessened but never went away. Now that I have a child, Susan very much wants to babysit and do all the typical aunt things, and I … do not want that. After five years, she finally picked up on my dodging and directly asked me what was going on. Risking the emotional blowback, I told her why she has never been alone with him: I don’t want Susan belittling and mocking my son for his feelings and desires. I don’t want her to think violence is the solution when he doesn’t want to do something. I don’t want Susan using this time to witness the mistakes or bad things my son does and taking that information to tell grossly exaggerated and humiliating stories for the rest of his life. I don’t want her contradicting or denying his experiences. I don’t want Susan force-feeding my son foods she knows he doesn’t like, and I don’t want her to mock and ignore his “no” if he doesn’t want her to touch him. Susan was very upset that I thought she would act the same way as an adult! She swore, ironically, she has never “really” hurt a child, and she was insulted I thought so. She thought our entire childhood was “all in good fun” even though I’ve never agreed! I reminded her that a lot of her bad behaviors toward me are still lightly present today, and she is very unapologetic. I listed examples of how she still tells people I faked having a broken wrist and I crashed the family car — two things that never happened. Susan said all the things she did were “just a joke” and I needed to lighten up. She wants to fly in and babysit my son more than ever now that she knows how I feel. I think she’s secretly embarrassed that she’s not allowed to babysit her nephew. Can my husband and I trust my sister not to harm our son? — Distant Sibling | 
