| Carolyn Hax is away. The following first appeared Jan. 6, 2012 Dear Carolyn: Approximately 10 years ago, my wife had an affair with our daughter’s soccer coach. Of the nearly 7 billion people on the planet, she was adamant that she had found her “soul mate.” Not only has she never really apologized for the affair, but I also had to beg her not to leave, primarily to keep our two kids close to their friends and extended family, as we could not afford our neighborhood in a divorce and would have had to move away. Both kids eventually graduated from great colleges and grew up never knowing of their mother’s affair. We both sought counseling, but, oddly enough, the starting point was always having the blame leveled at me — after all, if I were the perfect husband, my wife would never have cheated! I still harbor anger and disappointment in my marriage, despite the fact that we both “get along.” While we have sex, I would no longer consider it “making love.” I would like for someone in my shoes to tell me whether the hurt goes away, and what is the nature of forgiveness? It seems people who have never been in my shoes are quick to dispense the “forgive and forget, get on with your life” advice. — Still Hurting | 
