In elementary school, the powers that be made us watch an after-school special about bus safety. Reasonable in theory. But this was the 1980s, an anxious era tinged with fears around poisoned Halloween candy and stranger danger and Satanic panic. And buses.
In my memory, the bus film starred a little girl who looked exactly like me, a small blondie who got sucked under the wheel of a steaming murder machine. I came away with one message only: The bus WOULD kill me. It was only a matter of when.
From then on, I approached the bus with somber knowledge of my certain death. I kept an extra-wide berth from the wheels that towered over my shrimpy frame. I’d dash in front of any idling yellow beasts parked outside the school; if I was fast enough, maybe I could delay my demise. Around the same time, I developed a fear that the bus would fall into the Black River of Elyria, Ohio, where we teetered across a dilapidated bridge every day. I don’t think the river fear had to do with the bus safety video, but maybe! In 1989, they practically showed us “Terrifier” movies in the cafeteria!
This film has lived quietly in my head my entire life. Thanks to the internet, I found it recently. I exaggerated some details in my child mind. The little girl, for example, looks nothing like me. She is a different ethnicity, and my brain superimposed my face on hers.
However, I was not making up this horror show! The video, created in 1975, is literally called DEATH ZONES.
It starts with a soundtrack of ominous bass plunks, signaling early that WE ARE GOING TO DIE. A bunch of children are making Valentine's Day cards when the school bell goes off. They are so excited to go home and give out the cards!
They run to the bus driven by a kindly man named Frank Green, soon to be a second-degree manslaughterer. We learn he has been driving the bus safely for more than 15 years and has all his certifications. We are warned, though, that one of the students will forget to be cautious, that “the ride home today will not be a safe one.” The blame is placed squarely on the soft-brained youngsters and not this so-called Frank Green who is apparently powerless when it comes to running over children.
“Before this ride is over," the narrator says while the camera pans over innocent faces, "one of the students on this bus will be killed.”
Very chill and normal! Not upsetting at all!
Maybe you’re thinking to yourself, “You know, I’m really too at peace lately. I could use a new phobia.” If so, you can watch the movie. Just know that if you do, the negative spirit of the film will invade your body and soul upon completion. From that point, you have seven days to live. You've been warned.
