Old friend showed horrific judgment. What now? Give advice to this Hax question. Every week, we ask readers to think like an advice columnist and submit their advice to a question Carolyn Hax hasn’t answered. Dear Carolyn: Rebecca’s been one of my closest friends for over 20 years. We’ve never parented the same way, but I always felt like our values lined up — just different approaches to the same core beliefs. At least that’s what I thought until recently. Our oldest kids just graduated high school. Rebecca and her husband took their younger kids to their cabin, and they made it clear they weren’t going to be mad if their son hosted a graduation party. My husband and I knew nothing, until my son called asking for help because things had spiraled. Some kids were really sick, others were driving when they absolutely shouldn’t have been, and the house was packed with kids from other schools. We showed up right before the police. A few kids ended up in the ER, and one kid crashed into a tree — thankfully no serious injuries. The house was a wreck. Rebecca has taken no responsibility and thinks the ER visits were unnecessary. She’s also made a few comments about the kids who were there that really didn’t sit right with me — they dipped into race and class in a way that felt ugly. Hearing that from someone I’ve been close to for decades was jarring, and I’ve needed to step back. Can one event shake a decades-long friendship? Am I reacting too strongly, or is this just one of those moments where you realize someone’s judgment — or values — aren’t what you thought they were? — You Did What? Carolyn’s been writing her advice column for two decades. Explore the archives below. | 
