Life Kit — Tools to help you get it together.

This email is brought to you by Life Kit producer Clare Marie Schneider

Have you regretted going out for an expensive dinner? Felt bad about buying a pair of shoes that were a bit out of your budget? Wished you didn’t make that impulse-buy at the grocery store checkout?

There’s a name for this post-purchase queasiness, says certified financial planner Lauryn Williams: financial guilt.

Some people feel this when they've overspent. Others feel it because they're not spending enough or giving enough. It can hold you back from taking steps to fix your finances, reaching your financial goals — and even stop you from enjoying life's pleasures, she says.

In a recent conversation with Life Kit host Marielle Segarra, Williams shared three types of financial guilt and how to address them.

Goodbye, financial guilt

Daniel Grizelj/Getty Images

3 types of financial guilt and how to cope

👜 Guilt from overspending. If you feel ashamed about splurging on something you can’t afford, acknowledge you’ve made a mistake, but don’t judge yourself, Williams says. “A bad financial decision does not define your character.”

Then, work on your “guilt-free budget,” she says. Ask yourself: What do I value? And set aside money for those things. Maybe you want to prioritize going out to nice dinners with your loved ones. To fill that spending bucket, you might cut out a few of those streaming subscriptions you only use occasionally.

≠ Guilt from unequal income in relationships. If you feel uncomfortable that your partner is making more money than you, or vice versa, talk it out, Williams says. Remind each other that everyone contributes differently to the household — and you are a team. Not all input is financial.

🫱 Guilt from not spending more on others. If you feel bad for spending money on yourself instead of those in need, ask yourself where the guilt is coming from, Williams says.

Who do you feel financially obligated to? Are you in a position to help them? What can you reasonably offer?

Then, decide how much you want to give them and be clear with yourself about what the limits are. Maybe it’s a set sum that you’re sending your mom every month, a recurring donation to a cause that’s important to you, or a contribution to your nephew’s future college fund.

Remember, people who care about you will want you to enjoy the money you’ve earned, not feel guilty that you’re doing well, she says.

Transform financial guilt into financial freedom

More Life Kit on money and relationships

Cartoon of a man asking everyone if they're splitting the check

Malaka Gharib/NPR

Dining out with a big group? Learn the social etiquette of splitting the check. Five common scenarios you may encounter while dining out with a large party — and how to handle the bill fairly while being considerate of your server.

Questions to help you get 'financially naked' with your partner. Having "brutally honest conversations" about money can bring couples closer together, says Vivian Tu, a financial educator. She shares questions to ask your partner at every relationship stage.

Want to lend a friend money? Ask yourself if you can afford to never see it again. Lending money to family and friends is a tricky business. What if they don't pay you back? What if you don't have the cash? Financial experts weigh in on the topic.

How to talk about money with friends. Even among the closest of friends, conversations about money and privilege can be awkward. In this episode from Life Kit and The Cut, author Otegha Uwagba discusses how we can break that ice — before it's time to split the check.

Newsletter continues after sponsor message

Explore NPR+

Support public media while you listen to Life Kit with NPR+. You'll even get curated playlists of episodes by theme (Master your budget, Organize your life, Move your body, and more).

NPR+ includes perks like bonus episodes and more for over 25 of NPR's most popular shows. Learn more at Plus.npr.org

Explore NPR+

From the Life Kit inbox: Your “good divorce” stories

Last week, we featured an interview with Karen McNenny, author of The Good Divorce, about how to end a marriage on good terms. We asked you to share how you navigated a (relatively) harmonious divorce. These responses have been edited for length and clarity.

”A family is a family”

When my husband and I divorced, he moved to Pennsylvania while our college-aged kids and I stayed in Arkansas. I drove with him to Pennsylvania to help him look for a condo to buy. The real estate agent we met seemed pleasantly baffled that we were working together like this and said he had never had exes house-hunt together.

I think it was meaningful for our kids to see that despite the divorce, we would still be helping one another in all kinds of ways. A family is a family even if the form it takes changes and evolves.

Since that time, we have helped one another through health issues, financial issues and home repair issues. Divorce is never easy, but doing things like this eased the pain of the transition, and more importantly, modeled for our children what it means to care for someone, even if the context of your relationship changes. –Elsbeth Fast

“We … try very hard to do what’s best for our kids”

We started “nesting” so our kids wouldn’t have to switch [houses] every other week. It involves my PIP (partner in parenting) and I switching [homes], which we both share. We were lucky enough to purchase a townhouse close to the “kids’ house.” We have our own rooms at the townhouse, but still share our bedroom at the kids’ house.

We genuinely love and respect each other and try very hard to do what’s best for our kids by navigating our decisions from the heart and not our ego. There are no Care Bears and ice cream in divorce, and the first six months were truly awful as grief does take place. However, with love and understanding, everything works out the best for everyone. —Angela Caruso

“Develop a shared framework for money”

One of the most helpful things we did was to get a mediator and then develop a shared framework for the money side of things.

I created a proposal that outlined three options for the financial division of assets, and a budget for supporting our son through college. Our daughter had just graduated college and was starting her life in a new place and did not need our financial help.

We listened to each other’s priorities and then came to an agreement fairly easily. The mediator said that our divorce was the easiest one she had ever seen. — Kristine Strong

Don’t miss this week’s Life Kit episodes and stories

A woman putting her hand on her face in shame.

marabird/Getty Images

D'oh! I can't believe I did that! Graceful ways to handle awkward moments. Yes, there is a way to gracefully address that you've been walking around with spinach in your teeth. Here are tactics to quickly defuse your most embarrassing, cringe-inducing moments.

5 clever design tricks to make a small home look bigger. Just because you live in a small place doesn't mean it has to look or feel cramped. Interior designers share creative strategies to create the illusion of space that work for renters and small budgets.

So distressed you can't think straight? Lower the intensity with these 4 skills. A clinical psychologist shares effective strategies to quickly de-escalate stress and anxiety. That includes dunking your head into a bowl of ice water to trigger your mammalian dive reflex.

Fiber-packed foods to keep your gut healthy. Rethink your relationship with fiber, the dietary superhero of food — and learn clever ways to add more of it to your diet.

Get headlines from your local NPR station.

Visit NPR.org to find your local station.

What do you think of today's email? We'd love to hear your thoughts, questions and feedback: LifeKit@npr.org

Enjoying this newsletter? Forward to a friend! They can sign up here.

Looking for more great content? Check out all of our newsletter offerings — including Daily News, Code Switch, Health and more!

You received this message because you're subscribed to Life Kit emails. This email was sent by National Public Radio, Inc., 1111 North Capitol Street NE, Washington, DC 20002

Unsubscribe | Privacy Policy