Since retiring, I’m smothered by husband’s attention. Hax readers give advice. We asked readers to channel their inner Carolyn Hax and answer this question. Dear Carolyn: My husband retired 13 years ago, and I retired three years ago. I am 17 years younger. It is not going well for us. I have been very busy with care for my parents, golf league, working out, etc … I leave the house and I am gone for the day. Meanwhile, my husband stays home and ??? until I get home. When I am home, I feel smothered. He sets his alarm to get up before me in the morning, brings me my tea (love this), races to open the door for me anytime I go out to the garden, carries all my stuff out to my car when I leave, opens the garage door for me as soon as I pull into the driveway (he’s tracking the car), drops me off at the door when we are out together to save me 20 feet of walking and does all of my hobbies for me. He has no opinions on where we should go for vacation or anything we do in the evening. I’ve expressed to him that I would like a partner not a servant. In extreme instances of catering, I tell him if he thinks I need that kind of help, he can drop me off at the nursing home because I do not want that kind of relationship with him. I have also made suggestions for activities he could enjoy that don’t involve me. I feel guilty about leaving him all the time, but he doesn’t enjoy the things I am doing and it doesn’t work to bring him along. Where can we go from here? I can’t create a life for him and a life revolving completely around me is not interesting. — Retirement Harmony Introducing Say More, a new advice column from The Washington Post. Carolyn’s been writing her advice column for two decades. Explore the archives below. | 
